he shaved USA in his pubs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
