i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
