I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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