He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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