Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
