Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
