did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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