I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
