I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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