Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
