guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it glows. i had to have it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
