I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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