it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
