i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
