i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
