My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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