my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
