Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
