Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
