I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
