Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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