yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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