I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You ate ashes out of my bong
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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