haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
