he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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