the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
