all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
