also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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