these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Your cock deserves a montage
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
