Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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