Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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