Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
