Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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