you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
