Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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