i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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