Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
