so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
two words: eviction party
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i came on her dog
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
