Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
