anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
