I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
