Non-Jews are for practice
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
