Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
