If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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