I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
