he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need a beard to bite.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
