I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
