I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
