My hand turned me down
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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