Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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