Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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