So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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