She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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