It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
