I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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