upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
