I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
