Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
