dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
