Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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