I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
