...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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