woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
