i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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