My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
