Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
