looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
