Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
