Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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