I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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