And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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