Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
