So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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