i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
