sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
